Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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