She's JV to your varsity
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
There's even glitter on my cock...
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