Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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