Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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