i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
