Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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