bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
