I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
