I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
