Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
