i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
