got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
