Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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