Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
