to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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