oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
