You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
