finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
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