im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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