ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Randomize
