3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
