I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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