Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
