Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
