I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
