Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
