I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
