i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
