toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
