I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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