Jerry, you need to find god
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
