The maid of honor just puked.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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