we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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