he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
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