I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
