Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
