he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
