My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I deserve this hangover.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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