Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
