Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
