I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
