Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
it was like eating out sand paper
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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