That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
