i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
