I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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