Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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