True but thats because hes a fetus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
