He uses pillows to masturbate.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
