I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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