She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
