When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
